You know, I don't really like feet. I just like to look at my own and think, with a little polish and a guy's shoe in comparison, you're pretty cute. You're not too big or too small. You're perfect. Then I remember. These are my FEET I'm talking to. Just goes to show how much I overthink. I do that with everything, you see. Especially people. Guys, in particular. Which...is weird. Most of my TRUE best friends are guys. I pretty much get them. They're nicer than girls. Funnier. Well, half the time. Lately, I've been thinking about this one boy more than usual. First you must know, my boyfriend and I broke up not too long ago. I felt like he liked me more and he was-no is extremely clingy. We're best friends, you see, but I need more space after breaking up. Anyway, back to the particular boy that's been on my mind. I can't really tell you his name, because who knows who's reading this. I'm sure you understand. But we can call him Greg. I don't want to like him. I REALLY do not want to like him at all. I don't want it to be awkward between us. I don't want us to talk any less, text any less, or decrease the variety of topics we discuss. In fact, I want the OPPOSITE of those things. I want to be even closer. I want to be like inseparable. Doubted. But there's nothing wrong with wishing. I don't really even like him all that much, we're just best friends and I want it to be that way...I think. I'm such a silly girl. I can never make up my mind. Anyhow, i should probably tell you a little bit about how all of this started so it's easier to follow. Greg and I have been good friends since elementary school-best friends for quite a while. We have the weirdest conversations, and we spend a lot of time together. A LOT. I wouldn't have it any other way though. The boy's gorgeous-if you saw him you would understand. I've liked him on and off since I've known him, and recently found out he liked me at some points too. I wish I didn't like him. It's bad for me. He doesn't like me. I don't want things to change...I need to focus on school. On God. On my mission to love myself. But I can't help it...and hopefully through this blog I can get some outside opinions and just discover as I write-well, type. That happens, you know.
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A few thoughts, coming from my optimist perspective - are you absolutely positive he doesn't like you? You can never be too sure.
ReplyDeleteSecond, when you're in the stage when you're pretty sure he likes you, go for it, but be subtle. Also, I think it's important to not be in denial - it's okay to like someone, even if you don't want to. You don't always choose who you like - it just happens. It can be a great thing. Ever thought that you may really like him for a reason? Maybe he has something to offer you that you don't even know about yet. And, chances are, if he's liked you before, he still has feelings for you.
Third, any relationship is work, and it does give you a part of your life. If you're with the right person, he won't be a distraction from your goals. He'll help and encourage you. Some things, important things - like thinking about and questioning your spiritual life and loving yourself - you can't do on your own. Or, at least if you do, it's the hard way. Having someone close to you (other than family and the like) who can give you love, support, and thoughts on those things really, really helps you develop. He can give you a reason to get through the hardest of times.
Your situation sounds so much like mine was, minus the elementary school friends part, that I haaad to comment. :)
I didn't want to make the friendship awkward, I wanted so badly not to like him, because I knew it would stir things up, I thought I had more pressing things to focus on, I.. this, that, this and that. But eventually things happened, and though it was rough in high school (what isn't rough in high school? lol, it's just important to fight for it til things get better), it's been 4 years, and I'm the happiest I've ever been, and a lot of that has to do with him.
Just something to think about. :)